“This is how you repay my love?!” Ragnar screams as he watches his warriors being sniped one by one and his boats swallowed by flames around him. The irony is not lost – the vikings willingly came to their own viking funeral.
We’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting for Ragnar to invade Paris, and this week it finally happened: Ragnar finally came face-to-face with his traitorous brother, Rollo. In what was sort of promised to be an epic battle scene, the long-awaited battle of the viking brothers was a little lackluster after the seemingly never-ending build up this season.
To outthink Rollo, who easily predicts what Ragnar will do in his attack, Ragnar instructs his warriors to continue their attack by sea but Lagartha volunteers to lead the land attack with her merry band of badass women, along with a few men. But things quickly go pear-shaped when the vikings get stuck in the mud and the sloshing gives away their surprise attack. Rollo then directs the archers’ focus to Lagartha and her soldiers, taking most of them out before they can get out of the swampland – of course, Lagartha survives.
Gisla is on the battlefront with Rollo – something I’m very surprised he or the Emperor allowed – and she takes a particular interest in Lagartha and her general badassery (duh, who hasn’t at this point?), voicing her hope to meet her. Also taking a particular interest in Lagartha is none other than her very own ex-husband, Ragnar, who keeps tryinh to influence her decision to fight while allegedly pregnant (I’m still not convinced). She tells him her fate is to never have another child, and he doesn’t really care for her answer or her rejection of his half-hearted advances.
While the vikings are failing to raid Paris, the Franks have more success in raiding the vikings' camp: Many died or were injured, most notably Floki’s wife Helga. Floki makes some magical runes, like he did for Ragnar, and announces to her barely breathing body they will save her. Perhaps.
Meanwhile, as Helga lays potentially dying, Floki goes to pout on a riverbank, where he’s overcome by a weird vision: he sees Aslaug walking towards him before she leans down to kiss him, which then leads to other things. But wait! Now Floki is Harbard! But then he’s Floki again! No, he’s Harbard! It seems Floki suspects something is happening between Aslaug and Harbard, but would it matter if Aslaug is sleeping with Harbard, since she gave Ragnar permission to sleep with Yidu? It’s hard to know Ragnar’s reaction to anything anymore now that he’s addicted to his, um, medicine, which is clearly having an intense effect on him. After nearly tearing his whole camp apart looking for it when Yidu wouldn’t give it to him, he’s started talking to decapitated heads, which makes his decision to sail upriver and raid again a very, very questionable one.
Meanwhile in Mercia, King Ecbert arrives to meet with the person previously mentioned as “W,” a person we now know is Prince Wigston of Mercia, a member of the royal family. He’s disgusted with his entire family, especially Kwenthirth and her part in murdering her uncle and two brothers with the help of Ecbert – a detail W seems to be missing. W offers Ecbert his army to help overthrow the royal council, so he can renounce the throne in Ecbert’s name and be done with the kingdom and life – no, really, he said he’s ready to die. You can almost see the sparkle in Ecbert’s eye as he takes the Mercia crown from W, like a cartoon character who has found the biggest gift he’s ever seen. Ding!