If you’ve ever watched a minute of Girls, you know how insane the entire character list is, especially the four girls we focus on: Hannah (Lena Dunham), Marnie (Allison Williams), Shoshanna (Zosia Mamet), and Jessa (Jemima Kirke). At any given time, one girl seems clearly crazier than the others, though, the reality is they are all equal parts narcissistic and neurotic.
In the spirit of their chaotic personalities colliding for another 10 episodes for our enjoyment, I’m going to spend the next several weeks ranking the main cast – the guys are just as crazy, friends – from least crazy to most crazy on a scale of early 2000s pop culture references.
Level: Britney Spears marries Jason Alexander (no, not the guy from Seinfeld) in Las Vegas
Shosh pretty much took a backseat this whole episode, other than highlighting the bridezilla Marnie had become. When I think about her role this week, I just forget it happened. It’s like, “Wait, I know she was there but I keep forgetting about her!” This puts her on the very low end of the spectrum.
Level: Martha Stewart busted for insider trading
Poor Fran. He finds himself caught in the crossfire between the endless war of Hannah and Marnie. Hannah invited Fran into the girls' holding house while they got ready and because he had nowhere to go except spend time with Hannah’s ex, Adam, he did as he was told. Anyone would’ve done it, but Hannah should’ve known Marnie wasn’t going to play that game, especially on her wedding day.
Level: Lindsay Lohan attempts rehab three times
Okay, we get it. You love Marnie. I could’ve done without the whole chasing after Desi to convince him to marry Marnie. Ray is one of the more normal ones in this show, so I’m always rooting for him; I sort of wanted Desi to Runaway Bride it just so Ray could be the one Marnie turns to for comfort. But, he’s too nice of a guy and he ran after the serial proposer and, for some reason, jumped in the pond with Desi to talk him into going through with the wedding. I also loved how his suit was magically pristine by the time the wedding took place – no trace of pond scum anywhere!
Level: *NSYNC’s Lance Bass comes out
Hannah always finds a way to make it about her, something I think she gets called out on at least five times every season. Even though it’s Marnie’s wedding day, Hannah has no problem inviting her boyfriend, Fran, to the pre-wedding bonding – a lot of brides see this as sacred time – without asking Marnie if she minded. Much like Lance Bass’ “big reveal”, Hannah’s behavior – including having a quickie in the car – is nothing we haven’t come to expect from her.
Level: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie announce they are pregnant
Hannah and Adam are split up and they don’t seem like they’ll consider getting back together; after all, they had their chance. But, they were still a big part of each other’s lives and shared a lot of intimate and meaningful moments, which is why Adam and Jessa kissing is throwing salt in the wound. A part of me thought Adam and Hannah would work it out but the more I see Hannah with Fran, the less I want her to dampen Adam’s spirit any longer. Now that Adam is interested in Jessa, I see them as the perfect couple: two free spirits who see the world in very, very different ways than most people, who somehow magically compliment each other – it’s the real, healthy version of what we thought we saw in Hannah and Adam.
Level: Dave Chappelle disappears to Africa
We learn Desi has attempted to get married seven times before Marnie, who he tries to run away from, too. Desi definitely has some insecurities and internal issues he needs to deal with that seem to clash wish Marnie’s tendency to pick and harp on things for way too long – one of her best qualities, for sure. Also, except for his yoga teacher, why are all of Desi’s groomsmen friends of the bride, including one who had a fling with her and told Desi in no uncertain terms that he despises him? Does he not have any friends of his own? If I’m Marnie, that alone is enough to call off the wedding.
Level: Heidi Montag has 10 plastic surgeries at once
Marnie reached a point of crazy this week that would be hard for me to fathom if I hadn’t worked in the wedding industry for a brief stint and seen first hand how crazy brides and their mothers get over little things. Like any bride, she wanted her special wedding day to be perfect, but there’s a fine line between wanting everything to be great and screaming at the hair and makeup stylist for not listening to you – even though Bebe did a horrific job on Marnie’s makeup. Personally, I thought Marnie deserved her wedding getting rained out when she made poor Shoshanna tell Fran to leave so they can have “girl time” before throwing her under the bus saying she was totally fine with him staying but if Shosh wanted him gone… That’s a whole new level of insane. Marnie is definitely the sort of girl – if we were to see these women grow into their fifties – who will spend bank on plastic surgery to look like a Barbie.